Saturday, January 02, 2010

how about a blog post on the second day of the new year!

lol. 2010 is gonna be my ord year. about time man. so totally cant wait. say goodbye to regimentation and hello to freedom!!

i didnt really have an ideal start to 2010. but each year is like a marathon. with high points and low points. as long as i focus on the goal and know that i m gonna get there. i ll just try my very best to make the most out of my process. i learned this last year and i wanna emphasize this once again. the end of a thing is always better than its beginning.

personally. i had a good time yesterday. when i first came. i pretty much thought the same way. i miss my old cell. these people have a different frequency. i dont feel like its my place. to me. all the more i gotta do something to holler at them and tell them "HEY PEOPLE!! I M IN DA HAUS!!" everyone always starts off as a nobody, especially in a new place and new people. if we find people that we can instantly click with, praise the Lord. but more often than not, it takes some time, some searching, some biting the bullet, hell load of adjustment and effort. maybe it all goes down to the fact that people react differently to things. for me, i was probably so starved socially in the early part of my life. i think all i needed was some direction, confidence and assurance to pursue that. liken it to the way i run. i may be dead shagged. but when i know that i m within touching distance of my goal, i like to sprint all i can. maybe others, they rather slow down the walk since they have already expounded so much energy and think its a matter of time before they get to the finish anyway. others maybe, they like to maintain a constant speed but they run faster than me on a consistent basis.

i hate army. but BMT always taught me. life doesnt always give u the luxury of time nor comfort. when i was there, i felt the people thought and behaved so differently from wad i was used to. idiotic, annoying or just plain different in preferences and lifestyle. i didnt like them, i didnt like it. worst bit, i was unfit so the activities around me made it even more difficult. i hardly contributed. after the first 3 days i even stopped trying to make friends. each time i went in, there was only one thought in my mind, the moment where i could finally depart from the company of these people. when i was told that our command school opportunities would be determined based on our performances, as well as our commander and peer appraisal, i was thinking, i was unfit when i came in, and i had to put in so much effort to achieve wad seemed so easy to everyone else. i was anonymous during my time here, people can barely remember me saying or doing anything significant. even the tug of war competition i was training for, i didnt attend it in the end cus i was on attend C. throw in my knee injury. that was how i ended up in 30 SCE. eventually i woke up and God blessed me with my current job.

but i have always considered. how different would it have been if i had gone to command school. i realised that relationships are the key to life. relationships first, performance later. i missed the boat cus i was forgettable, cus i decided that i was gonna be anti-social and negative. i always look at the officers around me. they get to plan things that are upscale. a certain person hu was my fellow exco memeber in council. he speaks to officers like an equal. officers speak to me like i m a small fry. he gets to handle things like being a part of planning more than just school camps and events. liaising with people in the real working world.

true i made the most out of my situation. but i will always wonder wad could have been. i miss the boat cus i chose wrongly.

my senior once said this to me that made me realize everything that happens, is my choice. i was j1 then.
he asked me, "why didnt u come to ACJC."
i was like, "they didnt wanna accept me."
he said "why? wad did u get?"
i replied "15 points, but minus cca and affiliation its 11 but ah wells."
and he then said "well. it was your choice in the end."
i was alittle agitated "WAD! why is it my choice. ACJC didnt accept me. its not like i didnt want to go there!"
and this line struck me the most "ya. you could have studied harder instead of playing wc3. in studying less than u shud have, u chose not to come to ACJC."

that exchange left me thinking and left me speechless. my bmt experience coupled with looking at the opportunities these officers get to grow in stature, especially those whom i considered my equals in jc. i told myself, if its cus of adaptation, people and relationships. i never want to miss the boat again.

|cowpoo| 1:56 PM|

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